Are you looking for a good book recommendation from a Licensed Professional Counselor that works with children?
Meet Sandra Bravo, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC):
If you share a home with, work with, or want to have a better relationship with children, then I highly recommend you read the book How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adel Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It was during my first year of teaching elementary school that I discovered this book, which offers a variety of different strategies to use when responding to screaming or sensitive children. As a counselor, I have recommended this book to many clients. The book is easy to read and uses cartoon illustrations. My favorite part of the book is when Faber and Mazlish explain how you will never win an argument with a child, so don't try.
I remember a situation when a student refused to leave the classroom and would only respond with “No!” I told the student all the consequences for not following the rules and then the student proceeded to kick or push over every piece of furniture in the room. In that situation I used the book strategy of shifting my thinking from “I will win this argument and show this child I am right.” to “What don’t I understand and what does this child need from me?” Even if I was correct, when a child’s fight-or-flight response kicks in, they do not have the ability to use the logical part of their brain.
During the tantrum, I listened and heard the student say several times how much they missed their mom who recently had been deployed for military service overseas. When the student finally sat down on the floor exhausted, I showed how I was listening by say “You miss your mom and you are angry that she is far away. But, we need to clean up this room and get you to music class. Can I help you?” I wasn’t going to win that argument, but I could let the student know I cared. Now, I am happy to work with parents to teach them how to talk to their kids so they will listen and listen so their kids will talk.