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| family violence/spousal abuse checklist |
If abusive men wore a red "A" sewn to their shirt, women would all avoid them, but the behaviors of an abuser are subtle at first and some of them may even be interpreted as loving. Beware the following characteristics and patterns:
- Control: He controls what you wear, whom you speak to, how much money you spend, or where you go.
- Jealosy: Some women interpreta man's jealosy as a sign of love, but posessiveness, always needing to know where you are and who you are with, signals the desire to control.
- Quick, Intense involvement: It is not uncommon for abusers to come on strong, romancing their partners with passionate talk of love everlasting.
- Verbal abuse: He makes statements like, "How could you think something so stupid?" Or "You don't really know how to love another person, do you?" or more overt insults and name-calling.
- Sexual abuse: Forcing you to have sex when you're not in the mood or to engage in practices you find uncomfortable is not lovemaking. Women should also be wary of pinching and slapping during sex, which may be an early signal, says Sheryl Cates, director of the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
- Animal abuse: Batterers may have a history of abusing pets.
- Blaming others: If he loses his job, it's "because the company was incompetent." When he misses a turn on the road, it's the fault of the driver ahead of him. Most of the time, he blames his partner: whether it's that he got fired because she was a bad wife or missed the turn because she misread the map.
- Breaking or throwing objects: Any man who expresses rage physically is someone to watch carefully.
- Isolation: Women who are abused often are surprised to notice that they've lost touch with many of the people once closest to them. He finds a way physically or psychologically to distance you from friends and family.
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| The information provided in this web site or via links, is for informational purposes only. It does not take the place of, nor is it intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a professional. |
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